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Don’t Kiss the Wrong Bride

In Lagos, ‘public kissing’ is allowed. I am not thinking what you are thinking. You cannot drive in Lagos without your vehicle hitting another or another vehicle hitting yours. Depending on the level of dent, it could be a ‘hit’, ‘jam’, ‘bash’ or ‘kiss’.

Kisses are the most tolerated ones, there will hardly be a scratch, but accidents are ego shows in Lagos. The person at fault will be the one screaming abuses…

So if you drive in Lagos, you can kiss, but DON’T KISS THE WRONG BRIDE!

The rule is not to kiss vehicles that are very expensive or have any resemblance of an officer before you do frog jump in the middle of a pond by the road, but officers are not the wrong brides.

If you are a danfo or kabu-kabu driver, or drive a car that resembles any of those, please if you kiss an expensive car and a lady comes out and starts speaking like an Aje, relax, you are safe, you can scream her away.

If you kiss a G-wagon and a woman comes down wearing gold and a RING, and she is tying wrapper, and she reaches for your shirt while looking away, just start prostrating and begging, roll on the ground if you can, even if she is at fault.

Start calling her pet names to calm her down, names like iyami(my mother, even when you can father her), olorimi(my queen, even if she is not pretty), etc and add a lot of “ahhhhh!!!” blaming yourself, rubbing the car….

If she grabs your shirt, you are finished! That woman is married to a rich man, in no hurry and grew up in Mushin, Ajegunle or any of those LIFEly areas. She knows what it means to fight.

Lagos is not all chaos as you think, it teaches you to insists on rights but within boundaries, so we learn never to be presumptuous.

#open your eyes, but not too much

(Culled from EKOes, vol 4[reLIVING MEMORIES])

Author: Effiong Samuel
I may be practicing another profession, but the lives we live is Arts. I have had an interesting life with three best friends: my pen, my pencil and my camera! Exploring our friendship will be worthwhile.

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